Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are
sticking to their diets.
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and
challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from
a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies:
They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
One of the life's mysteries is how a two pound box of
candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but
nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the
facts.
I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the
right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing
at the tempting moment.
Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy
beautician.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live
forever.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes
alone.
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came
today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain
consciousness.
If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets
anything.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow
old because you stop laughing.
I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little
more cheese.
I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept
rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a
while and it shrinks two sizes.
It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and
spreads to your hips.
All of you guys ... please pass on to your wives: Age is
important only if you're cheese or wine.
The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is
when she is expecting a baby.
Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get
out, but she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
Can it be a mistake that "STRESSED" is DESSERTS" spelled
backwards?