>
> A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to have her
baby
> in the cab!" The ER physician grabs his stuff, rushes out to the
cab, =
> lifts the lady's dress, and begins to take off her underwear.
Suddenly he
> notices that there are several cabs, and he's in the wrong one.
>
> *********
> A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her stethoscope on an
> elderly and slightly deaf female patient's posterior chest wall.
"Big
> breaths, "instructed the nurse. "Yes, they used to
be," remorsed the
> patient.
>
> *********
>One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
>her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than
>five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that
>he had died of a "massive internal fart."
>
>*********
>I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
>test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover
>your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now
>your left."
>Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was
silence.
>He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and
>discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was
>standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to
>finish the exam.
>
>*********
>A nurses' aide was helping a patient into the bathroom when the
>patient exclaimed, "You're not coming in here with me. This is only
>a one-seater!"
>
>*********
>During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
>he informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his
>medications. "Which one?", asked the doctor. "The patch. The
nurse told
>me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places
>to put it!" The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he
>hoped he wouldn't see.... Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his
>body!
>Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a
>new one.
>
>*********
>While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
>long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
>answered, "Why not for about twenty years - when my husband was
>alive."
>
>*********
>A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So how's your
>breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I
>can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. The nurse
asked
>to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY
Jelly."