Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angel's.
The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You turn on the evening news and they are showing
emergency routes out of the city.
You realize that you just sprayed spot remover
under your arms instead of deodorant.
You discover that your 12-year-old's idea of humor
is putting crazy glue in your Preparation H.
You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
You wake up to the soothing sound of running water...
and remember that you just bought a waterbed.
Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
You call your answering service and
they tell you it's none of your business.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
Your income tax refund check bounces.
You need one bathroom scale for each foot.
You call your wife and tell her that you would
like to eat out tonight and
when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.
Nothing you own is actually paid for.
Your mother approves of the person you are dating.
You have to borrow from your VISA
to pay off your MASTERCARD.
You realize that you have memorized
the back of your cereal box.
Everyone loves your driver's license picture.
Your kids start treating you the same
way you treated your parents.
You look out the window of the airplane and
the B.F. Goodrich Blimp is gaining on you.
The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.
people think you are 40...and you really are.
You are pigging out at McDonald's by yourself
and the manager orders the
numbers on the sign outside changed.
Everyone is laughing but you.